The Hulk has an odd propensity to smash trees whilst selling Hostess food products — either that or taking roller-skating, disco-loving hooligans and rolling them up in asphalt like it’s carpet. Here his salesmanship is a little more straight-forward, pitting him against his age-old enemy: mechanized instruments of war. And then he becomes the Johnny Appleseed of fruit pies. And the scientists, fresh off a hard day of loosing rogue weapons on an unsuspecting mankind, can’t get enough of them. I am become death, devourer of high-fructose corn syrup.
Excelsior, I guess.
Either Mike Mentzer’s muscles or mustache make him a “Super Hero.” You decide which.
So Mike “Mr. Universe” Mentzer offered a bodybuilding program to the readers of Marvel Comics, one that would turn their scrawny little bodies into senses-shattering eye-catchers, physiques destined to be paraded in nothing but skimpy banana hammocks. Yet all we can see is that mustache of his. It’s of Magnumian grandiosity. It bristles like Odin’s beard. Screw the workout tips, give us some trimming and waxing intel.
If we ever have to rely on Chiquita banana walkie-talkies to repel an alien invasion, then let’s face it, we’re pretty much screwed
How much faith can you truly put in banana-themed electronics? Would a rugged outdoorsman rely on the directional accuracy of a Chiquita compass? Would such things turn the tide against alien hordes who’ve crossed the vast expanse of space to conquer and enslave? The mind boggles.
Perhaps Chiquita should just stick to “collectible” Winter Olympics stickers. Or, here’s a crazy idea, bananas.
Abraham Lincoln as child of the prairie, wrestler, and statesman. But yeah, mostly wrestler. – Classics Illustrated #142
With the government shutdown now well underway, our overseers in their infinite wisdom have seen fit to shut down open air national monuments. The Lincoln Memorial and its kinsmen are closed for business, and dirty-faced urchins are peering through the barricades, lonely tears tracing lines down their grimy cheeks. Or something. Say it ain’t so, Joe. But never fret: if you have a hankering for a rumination on the life and times of Abraham Lincoln, we have just what you need. Yes, the Classics Illustrated people, no strangers to presidential biocomics, published Honest Abe’s life-story, one that, as you can see from the above cover, put his bare-chested wrestling career front and center. Let’s take a look at it and forget about the government he strove to save collapsing about our ears here in the U.S. And just wait till you find out the glaring omission in this lengthy tome. Read more…
Stan Lee goes on the campaign trail to sell Marvel mags as Fozzie Bear and Alfred E. Neuman make cameos
This ad presents Stan Lee in the aspect we visualize him as inhabiting for most of his career: tireless salesman of the Marvel brand, ever ready to hit the hustings and make his pitch. And a suit and tie certainly are more fitting for him than dressing up like the Brawny paper towels lumberjack. The Hulk counting on his fingers and the Thing wearing finery and a mayoral sash are just gravy.
Also, please note the back-of-the-head cameos in the audience. Fozzie Bear with his distinctive chapeau is most obvious, but the gentleman to his left is a tad more surreptitious. The ears and unkempt hair are always Alfred E. Neuman’s dead giveaway, though.
Comics as cultural bridge – Persepolis
That Barack Obama yapped via telephone with Iran’s prez last week was a notable moment. The first time a U.S. President had spoken to an Iranian counterpart since the Shah’s flight and the rise of the Islamic state, it was a potential starting point for improved relations between countries that have for a long time regarded each other respectively as part of he Axis of Evil and the Great Satan. Maybe this will be the beginning of a fresh start. Maybe not. Probably not.
One thing that always gets lost in headlines and evening news blurbs is that the denizens of hostile countries generally have no beef with each other. People are people, struggling to get through life in spite of the dumbbells who wind up guiding their fates. Sometimes we all need a gentle reminder of what lies on the other side of the wall, of who dwells behind the soldiers and their fixed bayonets. Art is always there to fill that need, to enter that breach. Ten years ago Persepolis was just such a bridge between Iran and the West. Read more…
In an odd twist, “Muscle Tools” can refer both to the items being used and the people using them. Heyooooo!
There’s a lot going on here in this assemblage of bodybuilding wares — which, in fairness, don’t look anywhere near as dangerous as their 1940s counterparts. The Trojan Big 7 sounds like a condom for the slightly above average male. The German Iron Horseshoe sounds like an instrument of torture, made by a nation of experts. The 007 Power Twister has nothing to do with licenses to kill — one imagines. And the Karate Hand Krusher must give you one hell of a grip, because by golly Crusher is spelled with a K. Get to work building your hand muscles and Popeye forearms so that you can kill a defenseless General Zod in cold blood!
Trading Card Set of the Week – Batman Returns (1992, Zellers)
Hey, didn’t we already do a Batman Returns thingamabob for the Trading Card Set of the Week? Yes we did. But the Topps Stadium Club Batman Returns product, though certainly the most prominent of its kinsmen, was by no means without company. Returns was, after all, a sequel to a runaway blockbuster hit, so the tie-ins, from cards to video games, would be numerous. There was another, standard, humdrum Topps set, as well as assorted international releases. And there was an odd little set of cards from Zellers, the Canadian department store chain. Cards that would let you win a gen-u-ine Batman jacket — whatever the hell a gen-u-ine Batman jacket is/looks like. We are through the looking glass, people. Read more…
Simple two-step program: Get ICS diploma, boff secretary
Correspondence school ads, whether they’re for peace officer training or electronics repair courses, have an inherent degree of hilarity to them. Not because there’s anything funny about continuing one’s education, but just for their sheer goofiness. I mean, take this one, in which a guy tells off Barry Goldwater’s doppelgänger while wearing a plaid shirt so plaid it looks to be hewn from wood chips.
So the above International Correspondence Schools sequential storytelling fits right in, what with Jack getting conked on the head one day and turning heads with his business suit power the next. And you totally know that he’s nailing that secretary on his desk when everyone else has gone home for the day (poor Nancy). Men respect him, women adore him. Excelsior!
You thought the Kirby posters were good? The Steranko posters have thrown down the gauntlet.
To say that Jim Steranko is an underappreciated artist isn’t true. Read more…
There are a lot of things going on in this ad for your typical assemblage of late-1960s/early-1970s Marvel junk. Read more…
Want Fantasticar blueprints? A look inside Iron Man’s armor? – Marvel Action Hour (Genesis Entertainment)
This isn’t a comic book, though it’s shaped like one and features comic book characters. There’s no story within, not even any indicia to let you know what the real title is for the damn thing. Inside you simply find promotional materials designed to hook a target demographic into watching the Marvel Action Hour, a block of programming that debuted in 1994 and featured Iron Man and Fantastic Four shows back to back. Normally that means that this wafer-thin leaflet, with its newsprint cover, would be consigned to the waste basket or the proverbial floor of a birdcage. But there’s some interesting stuff inside, worth more than a quick look. Have you ever wanted some Fantasticar blueprints? A look inside Iron Man’s armor? Of course you have. Read more…
Farewell, Breaking Bad
Tonight the saga of Walter White comes to a close. This blog has already laid out its superhero/villain analysis for the man who broke bad in Breaking Bad, so we won’t rehash anything here. Indeed, the constant slurping of the show has generated an understandable reaction from people who aren’t fans. No need to throw more fuel on that fire.
Instead, let’s just reflect on what we fans all thought of as high points in the series. For this viewer, the show reached its apotheosis with Gus Fring, the careful, measured South American meth kingpin/chicken franchise owner. His final walk to his doom, with pitch-perfect backing music, was something that would have made Leone proud. Here it is, and enjoy the finale (if you’re so inclined):
Buzzy, in all his clean-cut, Fred-from-Scooby-Doo glory is probably about as ineffective a spokesperson for vocational education as you can get, but whatever. The National Social Welfare Assembly has had worse. Keep doling out your unsolicited advice in that V-neck sweater and bow tie, Buzzster.
You have to love the 1950s, the decade where gentle talking-tos from parents and a sit-down with a guidance counselor could set a wayward youth on the auto repair straight and narrow. What a magical time.
The End of the New (Universe), Part 2 – The Draft
The Draft is the middle chapter of the New Universe’s closing trilogy, the square-bound trifecta that put the chairs on the tables, swept the floors and turned out the lights on Marvel’s grand 1980s experiment. A follow-up to the events depicted in The Pitt (which had themselves been partially depicted in the pages of Star Brand), it tells the story of an assemblage of paranormals conscripted into the United States Army and sent to a special boot camp to further explore their powers and hone themselves into fighting machines. It’s a fairly straight-forward book, one constrained by a structure that we’ve seen 1000x before in movies.
It’s also vastly superior to its predecessor. Read more…
Jared
blog into mystery 