If a library card is so “magic” and great, why can’t it give you friends who aren’t ghastly?

No one would ever question the utility of libraries. Storehouses of ideas, repositories of human knowledge, blah blah blah. Nor would anyone mock a kid for being enthusiastic about the joys of reading. It’s just that the nauseating pep that Pete’s friends display in this PSA make one think of Dante’s level of hell. The kind of people who always have to be doing something are exactly the sort who can drive the quiet and contemplative among us — you know, readers — to the verge of madness. Maybe poor Pete just wanted to enjoy his V-neck sweater vest in peace, and didn’t want to be bombarded by remote controls, costumes and records the moment he walked into the room, like he just stepped into some infernal crafts fair/flea market.

The National Social Welfare Assembly should stick to touting BEM, the odd amalgam of all manly virtues.