Captain Tootsie returns as a mummy and pummels more crooks with his Tootsie Roll fueled fists!

Captain Tootsie, C.C. Beck’s Captain Marvelish Golden Age spokesman for Tootsie Rolls, is no stranger to these parts. We’ve seen him foil grade school shenanigans, clobber a thieving Frenchman, slaughter a poor sweet innocent bear and try desperately to convince us that the nutritional benefits of Tootsie Rolls are integral to paratrooper training. A varied crimefighting career to say the least.

Well, he’s back, this time masquerading as a mummy to foil heavily accented toughs in a museum robbery. (Seriously, what’s their dialect — Distilled 100 Proof Brooklyn-Ultra?) As always, it’s all done in the service of marketing those delicious, tough as nails bullets of chocolate, the ones that are so chewy they threaten to rip teeth out by the roots before their sugar can even jump start decay. And in an odd corollary to yesterday’s Eveready battery post (in which the power of batteries was illustrated in terms of Feet Per Babe Fired From Cannon), the good Captain now claims that a Tootsie Roll will give you enough energy to roller skate two and a half miles further than if you go without. Which begs: What team of quacks is measuring this garbage?