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Eveready batteries: now 93% better at shooting buxom women out of erect penis-y cannons!

June 29, 2014


One wonders what was going on in consumers’ heads back in the 1940s if a vivacious human cannonball with magnificent breasts getting blasted 100 feet through the air out of a dong stand-in was enough to pique their interest and illustrate the power potential of their product. Okay, the breasts and the phallic symbology we get, as they’ve been a part of selling random products (and oddly chosen comic characters) for years. It’s the exact distance and circumstance that perplex.

What scenarios did rival battery companies devise to combat this Madison Avenue black magic? “Our battery can propel a squirrel driving a miniature speedboat further across a lake against a 4 knot headwind!”? “Our battery can convey a red wagon full of poker chips and mayonnaise 40 yards up a 42 degree incline!”? Or maybe “Our battery blah blah blah blah breasts blah blah blah blah shooting out of long rod blah blah!”? Yeah, that last one.

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