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Santa Kingpin is comin’ to town – Spider-Man: Christmas in Dallas

December 24, 2010

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the blog…

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays and, perhaps most importantly, Happy Festivus to one and all. It’s time for the obligatory holiday-themed blog post, and for this one I thought I’d stray a bit off the beaten path with my fodder. Hence this comic. It’s one of a series of issues that were inserted in various Sunday newspapers across the country back in the day, and it’s chock full of local advertisements (more on that in a second), the umpteenth recapitulation of Spider-Man’s origin, and an original story. This one’s centered in Dallas, home of the Times Herald newspaper — the feature story (brought to us by Jim Salicrup, Alan Kupperburg and Mike Esposito) is actually a pseudo-sequel to an earlier insert set in that burg, one that had Spidey teaming with (*gasp*) the Dallas Cowboys. I think I’ll hold that one until sometime around the Super Bowl.

On with the show.

The story reason for Spider-Man heading to Dallas is some Christmas charity party with billionaires that J. Jonah Jameson gets invited to (perhaps to fill their “flattop a-hole” quota), and he drags Peter Parker along to snap some pics. Before they head out Spidey stops by the Bugle to give Jonah a unique brand of Christmas cheer:

Soon Jameson and Parker touch down in Texas and head to the charity ball. Meanwhile, the rent-a-Santa hired for the event is waylaid by a familiar face:

Why did Mr. Fisk bonk Santa, you ask?:

L. O. L.

Kingpin wants to hold the various billionaires in attendance for ransom, but Peter makes a quick costume change and dukes it out with him in his Spidey guise. Their tussle ends with some help from an inventor Spidey met in his previous Dallas adventure and that inventor’s anti-gravity device:

“FORWARD MY MAAAAAAAAAiiiiiiiiiillllllllll……..”

Problem solved, and the poor little billionaires are free to enjoy their holiday festivities.

Perhaps the funniest part of this whole comic is the way Spider-Man is co-opted into shilling for assorted local Dallas stores and their respective wares. For instance…

Doors:

TVs, boots and jewelry (with a personal appearance at the boot store):

Spidey isn’t in this ad, but I couldn’t resist the chance to showcase the VHS predecessor, the videodisk:

All you Apple drones who shout “How high?” whenever Steve Jobs says “jump,” be warned — one day your precious iPads and iPhones will seem just as ridiculous. Even if you don’t watch Flashdance on them.

On with the ads.

You can climb into the hot tub with your favorite web-slinger:

And yet more boots, with more appearances by Spidey:

How’d you like to be the guy on the Spider-Man/boot store circuit… Sheesh.

Have a good one, folks.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. December 25, 2010 3:17 am

    oh wow, those boot ads

    Couldn’t they have chosen a superhero with, you know, boots? like, real ones?

    • December 26, 2010 10:49 am

      One can only hope that they didn’t (literally) cap the indignity by making Spider-Man wear a ten gallon hat.

  2. December 18, 2014 9:28 pm

    festivus! for all of us!

Trackbacks

  1. Spider Man Crawlspace » Cobwebs #9: Where’s My Schwinn?!
  2. Spider-Man: Christmas in Dallas! (1983) | Flashback : Dallas

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