Is one of your New Year’s resolutions to get in shape? If so, let Joe Nazario’s oily shoulders be your North Star.

I no longer frequent Gold’s Gym, but for many years I had a membership there, and I was always struck by the number of short-time resolutioners who made a go at working out after the calendar turned. They would arrive, looking uncomfortable in their ill-fitting shorts and t-shirts, fumble about the equipment and free weights, generally clog up the whole gym, then disappear within weeks, never to be seen again — at least until the next year. It’s in their honor that the above ad is presented. Hunky Joe Nazario’s 90 second plan (to “Dominate Others With Fantastic Brute Strength!”) may not be the shortest path to fitness (that land-speed record belongs to another), but he certainly fits right into the Atlas/Jowett continuum of sinewy comic book beefcakes. And maybe if you haggled a bit, you could have had a complimentary vat of body grease thrown into the package.

Anyway, GET CRACKING, YOU TUBS.