Want to tell your girl that you really don’t give a rat’s behind about her? Give her a cigar band ring.

Point of order: Can an “antique” be new?

And what woman wouldn’t want to wear a ring taken from — or at least inspired by something taken from — a smelly stogie? Yeah, chicks really dig those. Here’s its great success as a conversation piece: “Wow, what an ugly ring.” There. That’s it.

Then again, if you’re Alan Moore’s Secret Santa, these might be perfect.

Tell her you’d marry her (because you got her knocked up and her father would kill you if you didn’t) all over again.