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The Terminator: Genisys trailer has traveled back in time to whack you over the head with suck!

December 4, 2014

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines was a pleasant surprise. Audiences went into theaters a dozen years ago with their eyes preemptively covered, fully prepared for a celluloid abomination, one bereft of James Cameron’s guiding hand. Instead we got an okay movie that had that rarest of Hollywood’s endings: one with guts. The good guys lost, and human civilization was consumed in the much-foretold Skynet nuclear holocaust. There were many problems in that movie, but this bleak conclusion spackled in a lot of them.

That said, Terminator: Genisys appears to be the worst, dumbest Terminator film we could ever imagine.

Stomping all over the original classic’s continuity, to the point of erasing it? Check. Sagging Arnold? Check. Crappy CGI young Arnold? Check. 97th John Connor? Check. Charisma vacuum Jai Courtney? Check. Groan-inducing recycling of familiar lines? Check. CGI Terminator endoskeletons that look more like the Mars Attacks! aliens than they do the sublime Stan Winston models? Check.

Who knows, maybe we’ll be surprised again. Maybe this first promotional flurry is all a part of lowering the audience’s expectations, only to blast them out of the water with the finished product. Possible. But I’ll be very surprised if we’re surprised. Very.

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