A ripped Sam the Snowman battles a pie-wielding Human Torch?

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is the most beloved of Christmas specials, and by extension Sam the Snowman is one of the more beloved of Christmas special characters. Voiced by the late, great Burl Ives, the North Pole’s narrator/balladier/raconteur has firmly ensconced himself in the holiday season and in the hearts and minds of countless children.

Up above is what you’d get if this rather rotund figure with a Van Dyke went on the Hugh Jackman workout regimen: weights, chicken breasts and scads of human growth hormone.

The Icemaster may sound like an attachment for higher-end refrigerators, but here he appears to give the Human Torch a run for his money, in the never-ending battle between fire and ice. That is, before Mr. Storm melts him to death with a fruit pie. Lesson, kids: murder your enemies with the fructose-infused Hostess product of your choice!