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Raise hamsters for fun and profit (and horrible stomach-churning odors)

April 11, 2014


Here we have your usual old-timey page of comic book ads, with products hawked that promise to build your body, cure your woes, improve your mind and stuff your drawers with loads of unnecessary tchotchkes. (A baseball bat pen and pencil set: surely a necessity for every domicile, an item that will never get old and be absent-mindedly relegated to the dusty space behind the couch.) The wild card, however, is the ad for hamsters. Yes, hamsters. That’s what the bold type says, simply if not elegantly. Hamsters.

I realize that the copy is so tiny it didn’t scan well, so let me reproduce the text of the ad:

The new wonder animals from Syria. Often called Toy Bears. Delightful pets. Everyone wants them. Laboratories need thousands. Clean, odorless. Raise anywhere. Profitable and interesting. Write today for big free picture book about them.

Not only are they not selling any hamsters, they’re just trying to rope you in with a free picture book, which is surely step 1 of a hard sell that would make time-share salespeople envious. And they’re from Syria? Did not know that. They’re called “toy bears”? By who, people who want to confuse you? Odorless? Surely that clean smell would break down if you were trying to master some economies of scale and fulfil a chunk of that insatiable laboratory demand, right?

Whatever. Just stick with the mail order monkey. Or hell, a skunk for that matter.

One Comment leave one →
  1. May 3, 2014 4:37 pm

    That’s brilliant! Where did you find this ? 😀

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