Just when you thought nothing could be dumber than Super Skittle Bowl, HERE COMES SKITTLE BASEBALL

I’d call it a wide-awake nightmare, that’s what I’d call it.

Whereas Super Skittle Bowl only dragged poor Roger Staubach down into its dopey morass, here the fine folks at Aurora have decided to besmirch by association the American Pastime. I don’t know what contortions the Skittle Baseball rulebook had to go through to (very) vaguely approximate hardball, nor do I want to. I’m sure it’s awful, and the fact that Don Adams is featured on the product packaging might make this one of the signs of the Apocalypse.

I swear, if somehow this and Strat-O-Matic Baseball were combined into some unholy abomination, it might trigger a bloody worldwide killing spree.