Skip to content

Superman: The Movie: The Merchandise: The Ads: Ad Infinitum

December 18, 2011

Surely this is one of the greatest Christmas-season releases of all time. 190 proof movie magic.

Superman: The Movie remains a gold standard (I’d argue for a THE here, but I’ll respect the feelings of others) for celluloid comic book properties, one that’s lustre augments with every passing year. There are oh so many elements at play. It may have one of the most dynamic and varied John Williams scores in that composer’s long career –that’s saying something. Marlon Brando was Jor-El. Repeat, MARLON BRANDO WAS JOR-EL. Though Gene Hackman was a follicled Lex Luthor, one that surrounded himself with buxom and bumbling stumblebums, he brought a smart, casual menace to the role. Hearing his voice saying “You’re a strong voice for good, Superman. But then, nobody’s perfect. Almost nobody…” still raises neck hairs. There was Glenn Ford in only two scenes leaving no doubt as the where Clark Kent got his Truth, Justice and the American Way. A Margot Kidder that was still pretty, that hadn’t yet been done in by cigarettes and mental illness. A fast-talking, cigar-chomping Perry White.

And no person has ever inhabited a character from the funny pages quite like Christopher Reeve. Whatever incarnation of the Man of Steel was your favorite, whether it was Swan’s, Boring’s, Shuster’s, whoever’s, you saw it in his performance. He was kind, handsome and determined, so much so that even that atrocious “Can You Read My Mind” accompanied flying scene is forgiven. (Well, maybe not. But you’re inclined to.)

I know some people call the film, with its wires and rear projection, dated. I understand that, but it came out in the year I was born (1978), so I’ll brook no criticisms about dated. Or old-looking. Or goofy. It’s like those things are being said about me. SO PISS OFF.

It was no surprise that DC went whole hog in the inter-company advertising blitz (hell, even the competition couldn’t resist hopping on the bandwagon), starting with that omnipresent “WIN A CHANCE TO BE IN THE NEW SUPERMAN MOVIE!” sweepstakes. Here we have a small sampling of the immediate ramp-up out of the other day’s VERY BATMAN CHRISTMAS in Batman #309. You have the understated movie poster above from the inside front cover, and then this two-page centerfold hawking some treasury-sized goodies:

Souvenir movie books often suck. They’re the rock concert programs of the film world, a “What frenzy possessed me to buy this flimsy P.O.S.?” purchase. I’ve flipped through the Superman: The Movie “Authorized Edition.” It doesn’t suck.

And then, on the very next page, DC went into its “while we have you here, can we interest you in some…” spiel:

Kryptonite, for the Superman Revenge Squad member in your life! Batman and Wonder Woman belts for boys and girls! And I have a feeling that the calendar would be so awesome it’d make you to use it every year for the rest of your life, forcing you to recalculate and adjust your schedule like you were accommodating the French Revolutionary Calendar or something. August. Thermidor. SUPERMANIDOR.

Sometimes shilling is just shilling. Then there are times when it’s BRING IT ON. This is a BRING IT ON property if there ever was one. You will believe a company can shill…

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Anonymous permalink
    December 19, 2011 2:48 am

    Superman SUCKS!
    He’s the most useless & stupid (shit) supervillain created.(This needless & unnecessary loser like him is gonna ended up as a villain)
    Superman is scum, dumb moron & gangster asshole.(His brainless fans, actors, etc are weak-minded, sore losers with low IQ)
    All of his comics, cartoons, movies, dramas, etc are all shit, crap, garbage, rubbish & suck-ass.
    He must be removed from this face of this planet.
    Superman & DC Comics (& their fans, forever) SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS & SUCKS!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: