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What’s the criteria for “friend” exactly? – Mail Order Kryptonite

October 4, 2010

I’d like to take a moment, if I may, and deconstruct the logic in this old ad. So a giant chunk of kryptonite landed on Earth, and the good guys got to it and sequestered it before it could be put to any nefarious use. Okay. I’m with them so far. But the next step in the plan is to break that one giant rock into a million pieces and then disperse that kryptonite across the globe for safekeeping? Not to worry, though, ’cause the kryptonite will only be sent to “friends” of the Man of Steel. And apparently the only qualification you need to be a friend of the big guy is to mail in the coupon with the appropriate moolah for the amount of the stuff that you want.

I have a feeling Lex Luthor would have mailed in a lot of those coupons. He would have been like Adam Sandler with the pudding coupons in Punchdrunk Love.

I’m kind of curious as to what this “kryptonite” actually looked like. I can remember a little bit of kryptonite that came with a Super-Friends accessory called the Lex-Soar 7 that I had back when I was a kid — that was just a little green plastic bauble.

And are they using “Kryptonite Rocks!!” in the “chunks of kryptonite” sense, or in the “kryptonite is awesome” sense? I’m thinking it’s the former, but these are the inane sorts of conundrums that keep me up at night.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. October 5, 2010 10:31 am

    For what it’s worth, it looked like a hunk of plastic, which is what it was. It was lime green, or maybe a shade paler, which wasn’t quite how I imagined the element when I read the comics.

    To put it in context, this was during the heyday of the “Pet Rock,” which in case you missed it was a fad where people paid good money for a rock that came in a box. I have to assume that fad started as a joke, but they sold so well I still don’t know whether the people who bought it “got” that it was a gag. Or maybe I was the clueless one and it wasn’t a gag at all.

    Anyway, I’m guessing some genius marketer figured that combining the Pet Rock with the Superman image was a license to print money. Somehow I’m doubting it worked out that way.

    • October 5, 2010 12:20 pm

      That’s about what I figured, though I hadn’t made the connection to the Pet Rock. Here’s hoping that whatever made it “glow in the dark” wasn’t overly carcinogenic.

      • October 6, 2010 9:13 am

        Well, the problem with a product like this is that as soon as you get it out of the box, there’s nothing to tie it to Superman anymore. It’s just a green hunk of plastic. And as I recall, the box was cardboard on all four sides with no “window,” so ultimately you have to decide whether to display (1) a pretty Superman-illo’d box that claims to have a product in it or (2) a lump of light green plastic that no one — not even a Superman fan — will ever guess what it is.

        Anyway, that’s the reasoning that kept me from buying it the day I saw it in Spencer’s Gifts all those years ago, even though I was a major Superman fan. Back then most of us weren’t yet into buying a product and keeping it in the box for eternity. Today I might go for it just for the nifty Wayne Boring graphics.

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