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Dazzler vs. Doom … Can we spot her some points? – Dazzler #3

September 23, 2010

You know Dazzler. She’s the roller skating mutant who can transmute sound into dazzling (hey) bursts of light, who by day is a sometimes pop star and sometimes actress — typically flighty professions for a fluffily portrayed young lady. I notice that she’s never been a by day “respected neurosurgeon.”

This issue opens with Dazzler having her powers tested by Reed Richards:

Yeah. He’s testing her powers. He’s not just using this as an excuse to watch her jiggle and gyrate. Reed, you old goat.

There’s a lot of nonsense in this issue (from the law firm of DeFalco, Romita Jr., Kupperberg, Bulanadi & Gil) about Dazzler’s stern, unapproving dad, a concert at the United Nations, her flirting with the male contingent of the Fantastic Four, some Latverian jewels, and some thugs dressed up like low-rent Village People. Let’s skip all that and get to the crux of this thing:

Doom surprises with an initial burst of chivalry:

Dazzler is, um, impressed:

I’m surprised that there wasn’t an “I wonder if he’s seeing anyone” in that thought balloon.

Unfortunately for the potential romance, Dazzler can’t subdue her crime-fighting impulses:

Guess who wins:

So “brav[ing] the extreme dangers of inter-dimensional travel” was what the kids were calling the act of love back in those days. Huh. And this story’s title, “The Jewels of Doom,” now seems like a big whopping double entendre.

I couldn’t give a flying fig about Dazzler, but this is one of those instances where the contrast of two characters makes for some interesting reading. The imperious Doctor is oftentimes one half of those contrasts — perfect fodder, so it seems. And the thought of a Doom/Dazzler union tickles the senses. What would we call it, now that we’re in the age of abbreviated terms (Bennifer, Billary, et al.) for power couples? Dazzoom? Doozler?

In one final note, I should point out that I’ve always associated Dazzler with a mid-80’s cartoon heroine, Jem, and even the most cursory of internet searches shows that I’m not alone in that. Jem was about a hot studio exec who had a supercomputer that turned her into an even hotter face-painted pop star, and though she didn’t fight crime she did constantly battle a mischievous evil all-female rock group. I remember the show because it was broadcast in between G.I. Joe and Transformers on one of my local TV stations, so I’d have to sit through all that yucky girly stuff while I waited for more guns and explosions. That’s my story at least, and I’m sticking to it — have to protect the macho credentials, you know? And God forbid I got up off my lazy keister and went outside for those 30 minutes.

Jem’s fiendishly catchy theme song is still stuck in my head all these years later:

Glamor and glitter. Fashion and fame. I think Dazzler would approve.

One Comment leave one →
  1. September 24, 2010 1:54 pm


    If you’re not familiar with the nerd rock band Kirby Krackle, you might want to check out their track “Roll Over.” It references Dazzler AND Jem! You can stream it here:

    Keep up the Dazzler reviews! I’ll be brave enough to do my own someday : )


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