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The Suicide Squad Joker has really bad taste in tattoos!

April 24, 2015

Glad to see that Warner Bros. is going the subtle route with the Jared Leto Joker aesthetics. Really, how does he look any different from anyone under the age of 25 nowadays? Get off my lawn!

If pro wrestler Al Snow taught is anything, it’s that forehead tattoos should always be written backwards.

Add the Hulk coin to your burgeoning collection of worthless Marvel currency!

April 24, 2015
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Spider-Man Hulk Conan coins

We’ve seen the Spider-Man and Conan medallion/coins before — sometimes both in the same ad — but the Hulk iteration is a new wrinkle. Shouldn’t they simply have recycled the venerable “Here Comes the Hulk/There Goes the Hulk” shirt design?

I’ve never really investigated the quotes on the reverse of these things, and they aren’t easy to read in this ad, but the Hulk’s is “Within each of us, ofttimes, there dwells a mighty raging fury” — from his first mag. So the very archaic and seldom used “ofttimes” gets some love on a coin. E Pluribus Excelsior!

 

“DON’T BE FAT,” shouts the most unsubtle ad in comic book history!

April 21, 2015

dontbefat

Usually these things pump the product offered up in the copy headline, but this ad cuts right to the chase. And you know what, it has a point. So get your Kal-X tablets (will they turn you into a mutant Superman?), maybe pair them with your Kelpidine pep pills, and start on your way to a lithe, healthy physique. Like the two people in the ad, who may or may not be nude.

The new Fantastic Four trailer looks better, but still doesn’t look good!

April 20, 2015
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The first trailer for this summer’s Fantastic Four reboot underwhelmed, and perhaps made some long for the Roger Corman bootlegs, so here we have a new one, with a much broader window into the plot. Read more…

The Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice trailer is pretty much the exact opposite of what you’d want it to be!

April 19, 2015

It’s not this trailer’s fault that it leaked in the wake of the sunny, nostalgia-laden promo for The Force Awakens, forcing Warner Bros. to put it online ahead of the dopey IMAX screening. But the juxtaposition is unfortunate, to say the least, and it’s taken a few days to process its underwhelmingness. Read more…

5 songs about Superman, ranked

April 17, 2015

Superman Lois Lane Pat Boone

Superman is the first great superhero, the grandaddy of them all, so it’s therefore somewhat fitting that he’s found himself sung about in more pop tunes per capita than any other comic book character. (Batman, his rival for the hearts and minds of DC readers for the past 75 years, isn’t the sort of guy whose look and aura is conducive to anything that might be labeled a “ditty.”) His bright primary colors and his cheery, upright, best-parts-of-Americana  Norman Rockwell image are ideal for obvious melodies and dulcet tones, so how could he not find himself pressed onto vinyl? Read more…

The Star Wars: The Force Awakens trailer will make you believe in metal lunchboxes!

April 16, 2015

I was busy today and didn’t have a chance to post this long-awaited trailer, which features the much hungered for return of Han Solo. As far as commentary, I offer only this: Not that long ago kids’ lunchboxes were made of metal. They were die-cast and solid, with a gorgeous image on their sculpted lid of whatever cartoon or movie or TV show tickled the child’s fancy. They made the peanut butter sandwiches taste like the finest meal ever prepared. Then, before we knew it, before we even realized what was happening, lunchboxes were suddenly made of plastic. They were light, flimsy, and the contoured image was replaced by a simple sticker on the generic lid, one which frayed and peeled as soon as you started using it.

This trailer makes one feel that maybe, just maybe, we’re getting the metal lunchbox back. May the metaphor be with you.

Never oversleep again thanks to the Dynamic Duo and your new (old) Bat-Clock!

April 15, 2015
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Batman clock

We’ve seen the terrifying “Super Baby” rag dolls before, and the less said about them, the better. The Bat-Clock is a fresh face, though, and a fine addition to any nightstand. It talked! But what did it say is the real question here, and a superficial scouring of the internet hasn’t turned up much about this ancient timepiece. Did it just spout audio pulls from the Batman TV show? Something original? “Wake your ass up,” that sort of thing? Anyone out there know?

Buy yourself some Florida swamp land — 1 square inch of it!

April 14, 2015

Florida land scam

We’re all familiar with the old saying “If you believe that, then I have some swamp land in Florida I’d like to sell you.” It signifies a con, a mug’s game, a deal only a sucker would go for, and stands right alongside deeds to the Brooklyn Bridge. Read more…

The new Ant-Man trailer will make you believe a man can shrink — and that the movie might actually be good!

April 13, 2015
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You know, this thing just might turn out to be a decent movie, another improbable success from the cinematic wing of the House of Ideas. Ants! Miniature fighting! Michael Douglas! Toy train derailments! What’s not to like?

 

Game of Thrones: Halftime

April 12, 2015

The producers of HBO’s smash sword and sorcery hit, Game of Thrones, have projected that the series will last seven or eight seasons, an output that will approximate the George R. R. Martin books that may or may not all be published by the time the last episode airs. This means that, having completed four seasons and about to embark on the fifth, the show is at the midway point — or close enough. Halftime. The coach has finished making adjustments and drawing up fresh plays in the locker room, the profanity-laced pep talk has been given, the players are coming back onto the field, and the fans are plopping themselves back into their seats.

It’s as good a time as any for all of us to take stock, see where we are, see where we’re going, and reflect on what has and hasn’t worked on the show with the dragons — and bewbs. Read more…

Get an ant farm and unleash your inner sadist!

April 10, 2015
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ant farm cross-section

No matter how many barns, silos and windmills they might paint on these things, they always seem rather grim. Read more…

Buy some of the old Marvel portfolios and further exploit the artists!

April 8, 2015

Marvel unpublished art portfolio

While it’s nice that Marvel wanted to give readers access to unpublished art from some of their most popular bullpen members, retrospect casts a different angle on this old Marvelmania offer. Considering the trials of tribulations over the years of artists trying to get credit, royalties and access to their original artwork, you get the feeling that Marvel was picking these guys up by their ankles and shaking them until all the loose change fell out. Running their pockets, as it were — in the Mighty Marvel Manner.

Better Call Saul Season 1, considered

April 6, 2015

Before the first episode of AMC’s Breaking Bad spinoff aired, I mused whether or not it would be AfterM*A*S*H or Frasier. These derivative works are rife with peril, especially when the original material is as hyper-successful as the misadventures of Walter White were. To quote some advice from that dear departed character: tread lightly.

I’m pleased to report that Better Call Saul has defied the odds and overnight become one of the best shows on television, a must-see journey alongside star Bob Odenkirk as he transitions from the no-luck, trying-to-be-good Jimmy McGill to the assured, sleazy Saul Goodman that we first got to know. I was skeptical, and I’m more than happy to let it be known that I was off-base. The show is great.

And I’m going to double-down and commit some heresy: I think it might be better than BB. Read more…

Sunday Stupid: To celebrate Opening Day, let’s watch Hal McRae trash his office and draw blood!

April 5, 2015
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Organized professional baseball has been around for well over a century, and therefore there are oh so many less-than-stellar moments to go along with the highlights. For every gimpy Kirk Gibson walk-off World Series home run, there’s George Brett regaling anyone within earshot about his pants-shitting predilections. Read more…