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Christopher Columbus discovered Honey Nut Cheerios? (Also, Buzz the Bee is an ageless vampire)

March 26, 2014

columbuscheerios

Even if university Native American Studies departments and pent-up Euro-American guilt have ensured that Christopher Columbus’s trans-Atlantic voyage of (accidental) discovery is no longer as celebrated as it once was, he at least has his relationship with Honey Nut Cheerios to hang his goofy hat on.

Just look at that ad up there — it rhymes and everything! And without this adjunct discovery, the breakfast aisle in grocery stores would have one less sugary cereal masquerading as a healthy food. Another triumph, Chris!

And speaking of discoveries, this ad unearths another not insignificant tidbit — that Buzz the Honey Nut Cheerios bee (that’s his name, didn’t you know?), is immortal, having lived for centuries. So he’s like Hob Gadling from Neil Gaiman’s Sandman comics. Or vampire Nicolas Cage. Whatever.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. mlpost permalink
    March 26, 2014 8:35 pm

    It’s not the same “Buzz.” “Buzz” is merely an identity of the hive-mind, a personality passed from one mindless drone to another over the course of the centuries, often interacting with humanity to control them and serve the ultimate ends of the HIVE.
    Buzz was the one who buzzed in Genghis Khan’s ear, telling him to unite the clans and ride forth and subjugate humanity.
    Buzz stung a cow in the ass, starting the Great Chicago Fire.
    Buzz stung Rick Perry in the ass during the Republican debates, causing him to forget his lines.
    We are through the looking-glass, here, people.

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