Fix people’s vinyl furniture (and maybe descend into homicidal madness)!

Not to make fun of the vinyl repair industry — work is work, after all, and there’s nothing shady about patching up people’s dumpy furniture. It’s the van-detailing of interior design. But what’s the percentage of vinyl repairmen who have Ed Gein-like parlors at home, complete with chairs made from human bones and skin, not to mention lampshades of tanned and stretched human faces? Has to be pretty high, right?

Did Leatherface maybe take this course? The Texas Chainsaw Easy Chair? I’d hate to see the non-VIP repair kit — what, does it have rabid rats inside? And really, how “easy” can this money possibly be? So many questions!