Slingshot around the sun, travel back in time and get a head start collecting useless Star Trek junk!

If there’s one thing that rabid Star Trek fans love, whether you call them Trekkies or Trekkers, it’s tchotchkes. The more worthless, the better. And in this the above old-timey ad, from the relative youth of that unstoppable fandom, doesn’t disappoint. “Authentic Collector’s Items” indeed.

I speak from experience. There was a two-year period back in the early 1990s, which was perhaps the high point for Trek fandom in general, before and after its 25th anniversary. You had movies with the old cast, a smart, well-acted TV show in The Next Generation, and Deep Space Nine getting off the ground — and Voyager was mercifully non-existent. I read the comics and the books, collected the cards, and yes, had some junk. I recall a Galileo 7 shuttlecraft Christmas ornament my family bought which you could plug into a string of lights and Spock would give you a pre-recorded holiday greeting. Not kidding. Unfortunately it did this every time you plugged in the lights, so before the end of the yuletide season you felt like Cleveland and Quagmire, chained up in a basement and forced to watch the DirecTV help channel.

Anyway, the question here is this: what’s the most useless item in the august assemblage above? The wallet photos? “Here’s a picture of my beautiful family. Oh, and here’s one of Kirk and McCoy when they were chained up in that episode with the giant cat.” The “genuine” starship insignia? The commemorative coin?

Or the Klingon blueprints? I think we have a winner. Because, what, are you planning to build one, you hopeless dweeb?