Baby Ruths: Now powering dainty little girls and all our fighting ships at sea!

We’ve seen candy advertisements make specious claims about the nutritional and energy-boosting qualities of their products before, even their value for, of all things, paratrooper training. But never have we had one like we see above, which posits a dubious connection between Baby Ruths and naval warfare. Not to fear, though — little girls can still use them in their cookie recipes, at least until they’re old enough to become riveters on a tank assembly line.

Ah, World War II. In fairness, I’m sure the Baby Ruths came in real handy when weary grunts and sailors needed a pick me up. Then again, the Germans had their methamphetamines, so I’m not sure who was more tweaked out and ready for frenzied to-the-death combat.

Don’t forget to buy your war bonds and stamps!