Is the LaserScope state of the art early 1990s video gaming technology, or complex orthodontia in disguise?

Just as today’s unmedicated schizophrenics can mask their affliction by pretending the voices they’re arguing with are actually on the other end of a Bluetooth connection, teens of yesteryear could disguise their orthodontic headgear by calling it a LaserScope. Why no, this isn’t a hideous contraption for adjusting my malformed teeth, but a neato device that turns me into an actual Last Starfighter, all in the comfort of my own home! So enjoy a round or two of Duck Hunt as you camouflage that horseshoe brace on your noggin, kid with crooked choppers — and thank the kind people at Konami for developing such a gigantic, clunky look-and-shoot accessory.

And no, we aren’t looking at your headgear.