This Captain Tootsie ad posits, among other things, that Tootsie Rolls are integral parts of paratrooper training

There are several big takeaways in this 1940s C.C. Beck Captain Tootsie ad. One, the U.S. Army incorporated Tootsie Rolls into its ration kits. Two, fat people and umbrellas don’t mix. Three, Tootsie Rolls were a health food. It’s unclear which is most implausible.

Ah, for simple premises of yore, like Captain Tootsie brutalizing a Frenchman or killing a bear.