Here are some obvious and hence utterly useless Juicy Fruit safety tips for you

If eugenics wasn’t a discredited field, some of its proponents might argue that there should be no safety tips at all, so the stupid among us — those who walk blithely into oncoming traffic, like young Figure 1 up there — can be cleansed from the gene pool. Who knows what level of consciousness humanity might reach without that ballast weighing us down? But as caring, enlightened people, we’ll go right along warning dullards about the perils of non-crosswalk perambulations, with Wrigley (a paragon of safety tip virtue) leading the way.

While we’re at it, here’s another smart idea: Stay away from Juicy Fruit. It loses its flavor in under ten seconds, and after that you’re left with rubber gristle. Knowledge for life.