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The X-Men would like you to make Hi-C your boxed fruit(ish) juice drink of choice

September 29, 2012

Hey, not only could you get some useless pogs and a reprint comic, you could pair your X-Men Hi-C with your X-Men Spaghettios and have yourself one hell of a heartburn-inducing meal. A real five alarmer. Delish.

I haven’t had Hi-C or any other boxed beverage in decades (I was a Ssips boy), but the lasting memory I have of them is that sometimes that little straw just wouldn’t pierce the foil hole that it was supposed to, and would end up broke, blunted and useless. And then you’d have this impenetrable box of juice that was impossible to open otherwise, and your blood sugar would get dangerously low, and suddenly you were Tom Hanks trying to crack a coconut in Cast Away. It was those moments when you wished you had some adamantium claws welded to your skeleton. And there’s your tie-in, I guess.

Final thought: Maybe Hi-C boxes are what Cyclops kept in those dopey uniform pouches of his. He just wanted to make sure that his team waded into battle sufficiently sugared up. “Colossus, you all set? You’re good? Good — and don’t forget your Fruit Roll-Ups. How about you, Jubilee? Okay. No, Bishop, I told you to go before we left the mansion.”

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