Add “Picnic Douchebaggery” to Doctor Doom’s laundry list of crimes against humanity – Marvel Age #30

There was absolutely NOTHING going on in the Marvel Universe when this issue of Marvel Age came out. Hard to hype things when one of the big releases for the month is The Return of the Living Monolith. (No offense intended to the Living Monolith or the creative team behind said return.) Fortunately, though, the cover ranks as one of the better “summer fun” entries that the mag ever produced, once again crafted by the omnipresent John Byrne. There’s a lot going on in this one. A list, if you will:

1. She-Hulk has eschewed her normal sun hat, though it appears she may have given it to the Wasp before Janet shrunk down.
2. Conan is eating as Conan would/should eat, much to Storm’s disgust. OH LIKE WOLVERINE IS GODDAMN MISS MANNERS.
3. Thor is chomping down on a hero sandwich like Michael Phelps in a Subway commercial. Asgardians love to eat. More mead!
4. Captain America has removed his gloves before dining, like any gentleman should.
5. The Black Knight is using his sword to, as Peyton Manning would say, “Cut that meat! Cut that meat!”
6. Spider-Man is eating upside down. I’m pretty sure I once saw a G.I. Joe PSA or a One to Grow On that said you shouldn’t eat lying down. Perhaps that applies here as well. (This also begs the question: Could Spider-Man, with all his strength, die choking like Mama Cass, or would he be able to self-Heimlich?)
7. Hulk and Colossus are engaging in that time-worn test of masculine mettle, the picnic table arm-wrestling challenge. I’d like to know what kind of wood the table’s made of to withstand that torque.
8. Mr. Fantastic lives every man’s dream: He can grab a beer while watching football without getting off his lazy ass.
9. Doom. Jackass. PAGING PYM. PAGING PYM.
10. And more.

Summer is almost over. Keep the above image in mind during your Labor Day festivities, and then savor it all through the year.