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Right now John Elway is strapping Tim Tebow to a couch and dusting off his Nintendo.

February 19, 2012

I saw some recent reports that Tim Tebow, three years into his professional career, is finally seeking remedial training for his dreadful throwing mechanics. I wonder if head Bronco John Elway has considered pulling his eponymous John Elway’s Quarterback off the shelf and going full Clockwork Orange on Jesus Christ Quarterback, propping his eyes open with toothpicks so he can get a look at how quarterbacking, albeit 16-bit quarterbacking, is done. You know, shame him like a dog that just pissed on the floor. Tebow can take bespectacled Danny Wimpasinger’s (surname purchased at Surnames ‘R’ Us) place on the sofa.

Get the eye-dropper ready.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. February 19, 2012 8:08 pm

    I just picked up Tebow’s “autobiography” from the library, and man…let’s just say there’s a reason I put quotes around that word. On the plus side, Tebow spends a lot more time recounting his football victories than he does evangelizing, so at least there’s that.

    • February 23, 2012 4:18 pm

      I have no beef with Mr. Tebow. He seems like an earnest young man, even if he does bleed over into “insufferable” a bit. But I’d have to get the Clockwork Orange treatment to read that book. I commend your resolve.

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