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The carnage! – Boris the Bear #1

August 1, 2011

We comic book aficionados all need to vent on occasion, whether it’s over price hikes, artistic fads, storyline directions or cover variants.  Sometimes we’re lucky enough to vent vicariously through fictional characters. Enter the anthropomorphic Boris the Bear, one of the earliest Dark Horse Comics names, who skewered industry icons, trends and pretensions (sometimes literally). It turned out later that he was actually a robot, which I guess makes him a more violent but less terrifying version of Teddy Ruxpin.

This first issue (Story: Mike Richardson, Script: Randy Stradley & James Dean Smith, Art: James Dean Smith) starts things off with a bang, as Boris goes on a murderous rampage and slices and blows away every 1980s trendy character you could shake a stick at. It’s somewhat reminiscent of Thanos’ gleeful dismantling of Marvel icons during the Infinity Gauntlet saga. But bloodier.

It all begins when Boris gets miffed while reading the latest knock-off book:

It sends him into a Falling Down tailspin, and he takes a costuming cue from the Rambo flicks:

Warrior rabbit Usagi Yojimbo is the first character to have a proxy killed execution style, and Boris is even keen to add insult to mortal injury:

Next up is a certain aardvark with a finite run:

The next characters are “Tampa Mice,” a take-off on Hamster Vice, which was a send-up of Miami Vice. I’m getting dizzy. After that come the real big targets, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I think this full-page shellacking (so to speak) just about says it all:

This slaughter is worthy of some Jim Ross “Good God Almighty!” hyperbole.

Boris, his lust for blood nowhere near sated, then lures every remaining furry critter character to one place for a little “fish in a barrel” fun:

He kills every last goddamn one of them. Some I don’t mind seeing splatted. I’m looking at you, Smurfs. But Opus from Bloom County? What the hell did he ever do to hurt anybody?

Boris’ human pal Dave shows up to chide him, but our bear lacks any remorse, and has one last target:

Bear on bear crime is so sad.

The Rambo outfit is quite fitting seeing as how I haven’t seen bloodshed so reveled in since that character’s 2008 film return. I’d almost say it’s a little much, but it’s all in an editorial vein. We’ll let it pass.

What comic book character would you want to have offed in a savage manner? I’m tempted to say Jerry Lewis, but he’s a real person. I’ll go with Zook.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. Larry E permalink
    August 2, 2011 6:09 pm

    Silver Age Lois Lane-As a kid I was always wondering why Superman put up with her.
    Even then I knew trickery and hoaxes were not the ingredients for a legal marriage. I cpuldn’t figure out why Supes never learned his lesson after spending his boyhood years with Lana Lang.

  2. August 9, 2011 5:56 pm

    I loved Boris the bear a s a kid. I’ve got em all!

    • August 12, 2011 2:03 pm

      I have a couple of the others, but the gauntlet of murder victims in this one made it too enticing.

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