Where do I even begin? – House of Mystery #146

I grew up on a later incarnation of the Manhunter from Mars, one who, even within the Keith Giffen inspired looniness of the Justice League books, maintained his poise and dignity.  J’onn J’onzz was always the quiet and reserved straight man whose only silly trait was an occasional craving for an Oreo cookie (I wonder if anyone offered him a Hydrox instead?).  He always came across as a powerhouse and a moral center for the team.

The guy on the cover here?  Not so much.

There are three things about this issue of House of Mystery that caught my eye when I picked it up.  First, J’onn is sprawled helpless like some damsel in distress.  All that’s lacking are railroad tracks for him to be tied to and a moustached villain cackling off to the side.  The way he has his hand over his chest makes me think that he’s about to blurt out in a woman’s voice with a delicate southern accent “I declare, I do believe I have the vapors…”  Come on, big fella, pull yourself up by your bootstraps.

The second thing is Zook.  I didn’t really know anything about Zook until recently – he had been largely removed from continuity by the time I started reading comics.  A Zook-ectomy, if you will.  Others have dissected the stupidity of J’onn’s sidekick much more effectively than I ever could, so please feel free to do a Google search or check out some of the links on the right.  Here’s a quick summary of his power-set – he can generate heat and cold and can fly, and his weaknesses are articles and pronouns.

J’onn, you could do so much better.

I’m relieved to say that my last observation isn’t a gripe, just an odd connection.  I was looking at the Chulko on the cover and he reminded me of Gossamer from the old Looney Tunes cartoons.  You don’t remember Gossamer?  Well, I didn’t know him by name until I did a Google search, so here’s a pic to jog your memory:

He was a giant hairy monster that tangled with Bugs Bunny.  I can remember him being defeated on one occasion through the use of a pair of clippers – it turned out that he was nothing but hair.  So, here’s a memo for J’onn – next time you tangle with the Chulko, head to the barbershop and arm yourself.  You never know, lightning might strike twice.

The contents of this issue are a couple of mysteries and the J’onn story (one of the mysteries involves another green-skinned alien – weren’t there quotas on those sorts of things?).  The Martian Manhunter installment, “The Doom Shadow,” is written by Jack Miller with art by Joe Certa.  The Chulko hatches from a giant spotted egg and J’onn’s fists don’t save the day, so the insufferable Zook is the one who finally stops him.  That’s pretty much the arc of the story.

I always like buying something like this because it challenges my preconceptions about the characters I know.  The silliness of the Silver Age can still be a shock to the system, though, and even more so when you have a taciturn character like the modern J’onn J’onzz involved.  You could say that the same would hold true for Batman, but I still had the reruns of the “BAM!” and “POW!” TV series to brace me for his Silver Age ridiculousness.  There was no such luxury with the Martian Manhunter.

And of all the sidekicks he could have, why did it have to be Zook?