Sunday Stupid: Hulk Hogan loses his damn mind! And destroys the Eastern Seaboard!
In honor of tonight’s WrestleMania, the 31st iteration of that rasslin’ megashow, today’s Sunday Stupid is devoted to the superest superstar ever to headline it: Hulk Hogan. And, more specifically, the most steroid-addled interview he ever gave to Mean Gene Okerlund, brother.
Back at WrestleMania IV the WWF title was vacant, and a tournament was held to put the strap on a new champ. Hogan had lost the belt to Andre the Giant on The Main Event the month before through nefarious means (the infamous Earl and Dave Hebner ref switcheroo — “How much for the plastic surgery?!?!”), and the Hulkster was naturally out for vengeance. (The previous year’s show had pitted the two in what remains the biggest match in the history of the promotion.) Hence the promo above, as he and Andre were on a collision course in the tournament’s second round.
Hogan cut some nutso promos in his 1980s heyday, but this one might take the cake. What sets it apart? Cinching Andre up into the launch position. Fault lines. The East Coast falling into the sea. Pinning opponents on the ocean floor. Donald Trump clinging to the top of Trump Plaza (the event’s venue). Climbing onto the largest back in the world. Dog-paddling and backstroking the Trump family to safety. Hogan delivering every line like he just snorted a mountain of cocaine. And through it all, poor Mean Gene desperately trying not to corpse.
Basically Hogan saw himself as the personification of 2012. I have become Hulkamania, destroyer of worlds.
But one question for the Hulkster: If the Trumps have climbed onto your back for deliverance — your back being, of course, the largest in the world — and you’re backstroking to dry land, wouldn’t that drown them? Or at the very least muss the Donald’s preposterous coif?