Not Terminator: Genisys, but Terminator on Genesis

It was commendable that the makers of the unbelievably spectacular Terminator 2 arcade game tried to port it over to home consoles. Really, it was. But it could never ever replicate the glory of standing in a noisy arcade and pointing a rifle at a screen and blasting away. Maybe with a friend at your side firing the other gun — or the T-800 endoskeleton in the ad.

Many a quarter or token was dropped into the inviting slots of that sublime game, and I’ve always vowed if I ever get a bit more room and a bit more money, I’ll buy one and keep it in my house come hell or high water. Because it was indeed fantastic, a frenetic shoot-em-up filled with jumping Terminators, roaming Hunter-Killers and delicious power-ups — and an occasional Arnold Schwarzenegger (in his pre-Last Action Hero apotheosis) voice clip telling you “Nice shot.” The two-player was the best, as you and your friend were transported into the best goddamn post-apocalyptic paintball getaway you could over conceive of. “You cover the grenades coming at us, I’ll handle the Terminators!”

Without the guns and general arcade pandemonium it was never the same, and thus the home versions on the Genesis or Game Boy(!) or whatever could never live up. But thanks for trying. Still, they were a better experience than the upcoming Terminator: Genisys will likely be, as it sounds holymotherofgod awful.