ZOMG THEY FOUND A CURE FOR BALDNESS!!! Wait, no they didn’t.

As a man who first started noticing a few hairs falling out when he was seventeen (really — start the weepy violin soundtrack), I have great sympathy for the poor lost souls who would have fallen for this old snake oil ad. Losing your locks is tough, and not everyone can carry a six-inch part with the manly aplomb of Julie Schwartz.

To its credit, this is only promising to help with a very narrow subset of baldness, but I’m guessing a lot of burgeoning chrome-domes were mailing in that coupon regardless of the cause of their follicular troubles. I’m also guessing that none of them had ever heard of “keratolytic” and “rubefacient” action, which sound completely made up. Bottom line: Never underestimate the willingness of balding men to empty their bank accounts chasing a cure, even those that render them impotent mounds of flesh.