Will the new Total Recall film also have a terrible NES companion game? WE CAN HOPE.

For unknown reasons, Hollywood has decided to remake Total Recall, a sin I find far more mortal than any seemingly needless Spider-Man reboot (review forthcoming). TR may be Arnold Schwarzenegger’s best movie — or at least the one I find myself enjoying the most in my old age. It’s a film with great action, great set pieces, a genuine sense of humor, a Chucky-looking alien that pops out of a dude’s belly, and more fantastic one-liners than you can shake the proverbial stick at (see “SCREWWWW YOOOOUUUUU!”) Even in a CV that contains The Terminator, Predator and Conan the Barbarian, it sticks out. Lest we forget, the image in the ad above comes from the scene where the head of Arnold’s fat lady disguise explodes (after delivering its own one-liner) and part of the containment dome is shattered, and people start getting sucked outside into the airless Martian landscape. Easy to love.

But Total Recall also had one of the worst looking video games in history, one that used the rote Double Dragon punch/kick scroll engine that drove/plagued so many games in the late eighties/early nineties. It featured such things as baddies popping up out of garbage cans (like Oscar the Grouch) and glory holes. You know, just like the movie.