How Punt, Pass & Kick can fill a man with shame. And some NFL/AFL yearbooks.

I’m sure your local Ford dealer would never even think of giving your folks a quick and aggressive sales pitch while you’re signing up for the Punt, Pass & Kick competition. Perish the thought.

I consider myself a decent athlete. In my day I could (sort of, with a running start) dunk of basketball, I could hit home runs, and I could slide-tackle with the best of them. But I could never throw a football. Apologies to the fairer sex, but I threw the damn thing like a girl. A little girl wearing a pink dress with pink ribbons in her hair. A GIRL girl. So whenever I see kids at NFL games during halftime getting recognized for their Punt, Pass & Kick achievements, I view them with a terrible mixture of respect and envy. These children can throw a pigskin better than me. I HATE MYSELF.

The rugged faces below stare at me in judgment. The macho crew cut of Johnny Unitas mocks me, as does his manly signature.