If I’m lucky they’ll just kill each other – The Punisher War Journal #6 & #7

In my most intense comics reading phase (in the late 80’s/early 90’s) there were two characters that I could not escape who I actively loathed. The first was the Punisher. I understand his revenge-driven man-with-guns appeal, but he always seemed a very shallow creation, and one that I could just never get into. And he was guest-starring in every. Comic. That came out. He was inescapable. Now it vexes me to no end that one day, should I ever want to complete a run of The Amazing Spider-Man, I’m going to have to pay through the nose to get his first appearance.

Oy.

The other character I had a hard time stomaching, and this one may get me in a little more trouble with folks, was Wolverine. This was back in the “Ooh, what’s his origin, he’s so mysterious” days when he too showed up in every. Comic. That came out. With Wolvie it could simply be that I’m a straight-laced square — after all, I would always side with Cyclops in any of their inter-X-Men tiffs, just like I used to root for Pete Sampras when he faced Andre Agassi. I have a long history of backing the establishment guy.

Or it he could really be just a slightly taller version of Alpha Flight’s Puck, and therefore deserving of my contempt. Hugh Jackman may be the greatest actor ever to have trod the boards (or walked the Earth, for that matter), because he somehow made me care about that putz.

Since I could never work up much enthusiasm for either of these characters, comics like the two I’m about to look at passed under my radar. And seeing a cover that promises a donnybrook between these two reminds me of a holiday dinner conversation among my family eons ago, one that has stuck in my mind all these years. Two local ruffians, both of them idiots that no one but their own mothers (and perhaps not even them) could stand, had gotten into a fight outside of a bar, one that involved the usual sticks, knives, fists and kitchen sinks. The general consensus around the dinner table was that it was a shame that the two of them couldn’t have killed each other and rid us all of two problems at once.

I think you see where I’m going with this. We’re starting on the wrong foot, and this could get ugly.

Or, in some algebraic alchemy, perhaps putting these two negatives together might make a positive.

Let’s check it out.

The two-parter (“On the Track of Unknown Animals” and “Endangered Species”) is written by Carl Potts, who also handled the art in collaboration with Jim Lee. The whole setup is as follows…. The Punisher is getting a little worn out, so his pal Micro convinces him to take a working vacation in Africa, guarding (under an alias) a research mission that’s trying to find living dinosaurs, the Mokele-mbembe of actual African legend. Meanwhile, Wolverine uncovers a poaching ring, gets pissed, and heads to Africa to exact his sweet revenge.

We’re on a collision course for wackiness!

The poachers actually glom onto the research mission, and in moments when they can steal away they massacre whatever rare endangered animals are within arm’s (or bullet’s) reach, including gorillas. When Big Pun starts to figure out that something is going on and heads out into the wild to investigate, he crosses paths with a pissed off alpha male:

Lest the sad irony of this death-struggle escape us:

Wolverine stumbles onto this jungle crime scene, and in the inevitable misunderstanding thinks the Punisher is a poacher. Let the battle commence!:

Round 1 goes to Wolverine, who leaves Mr. Castle for dead. Things wrap up in the next issue as the Punisher recovers and comes looking for some payback. Round 2 goes to the man with the skull shirt:

Then, in one of those It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World convergences, Wolverine, the Punisher, the research expedition, the poachers and the dinosaurs all end up in the same place. Schemes are exposed, motivations are revealed, and the big brave Punisher ends things by shooting a woman in the back:

She’s one of the poachers, granted, but still…

The dinosaurs melt back into the jungle, and the two heroes go their seperate ways without learning one another’s identities.

I actually sort of enjoyed these stories, even if the plot is ripped from a William Katt and Sean Young starring bit of tripe called Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend. These two guys allying to go after poachers (dino-poachers, no less) is a cause I can’t help but get behind. It’s not enough to raise them on my depth chart — all things being equal, there are many, many characters that I’d rather read about before settling for them, in much the same way a lot of people have to become incapacitated in the Presidential succession before the Secretary of Agriculture becomes Chief Executive. But I guess I’m softening as I age.

The fact that this is the first time these characters met and that neither had ever heard of the other before seems a bit of a stretch, even in a story with live dinosaurs. And though I’ve never been that big a fan of Jim Lee’s art (I’m either showing my bravery or my ignorance in going after all these sacred cows) his work here was pretty good, and lacked the “All Pin-Ups, All the Time!” aspect it took on in later years.

Not bad.

And maybe I shouldn’t be too hard on the Punisher. His character did eventually spawn this bit of delectable tomfoolery:

Nice shot, bub.