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These cavemen seem a bit too erudite – Korg: 70,000 B.C. #6

July 9, 2010

I bought this one just because I liked the cover.  A robot beating up some cavemen — how can you go wrong there?  It was only after I got home and did a quick Google search that I found out that this wasn’t purely a comic book series, but was actually based on a very short-lived Saturday morning kids show.  Here’s the intro:

I gather that it made an effort at being an “educational” series, which made it sort of a Quest for Fire meets G.I. Joe’s “Knowing is half the battle.”  I don’t think it’s any surprise, though, that a kids show centered around Neanderthals didn’t take off.  Who the hell wants to look at their ugly mugs on a Saturday morning?

On to this issue.

I really dig the fetching cover from Pat Boyette (I might not have bought this book if not for that), and he also handled the writing and artistic chores inside.  The story is sort of a Chariots of the Gods-lite, as you can gather from the first page:

We open with Korg hearing a story from his kinsman Smoog (love the caveman names — where’s Oog?  And Boog?  And Florg?) about how sometimes stars come down from the sky and carry people away.  Korg is skeptical, or at least he is until another of his cohorts describes seeing something odd down by the local watering hole:

I have to pause here for a minor quibble.  Maybe I’m influenced too much by the dialogue-free script from the aforementioned Quest for Fire, but these dudes are communicating a bit too freely for my liking.  I realize that it can’t all be grunts and gestures (then again, why not?), but the dialogue is way too smooth.  It’s not James Joyce and “Stately, plump Buck Mulligan…” smooth, but it hits a wrong note with me.  Maybe I’m just being picky.

But I digress.  For the millionth time.

Korg and his brother Bok go out looking for this “demon” and Bok is the one who finds him.  Bok is killed — be careful what you wish for.  Korg gets his revenge and drops a boulder on the robot, destroying it.  Hey, maybe he’s an ancestor of Magnus — call Maury Povich, we need a DNA test!  The owners of the robot track Korg down and capture him, and they interrogate him while he’s held in a stasis field or something:

It turns out that they’re not looking for vengeance, but instead want to put Bok back together again, if not Steve Austin “stronger, faster” style, then at least back to where he was.  The old adage that no good deed goes unpunished is once again proven true, however, and a reanimated Bok goes nuts in the alien spaceship and wrecks the whole damn thing.  A spaceship that can be wrecked by a dead Neanderthal — now that’s a lemon.  The lily white aliens and their vaguely Wehrmachtish uniforms are stuck with Korg and his fellow primitives:

But, since the title page made it clear that this was a somewhat fanciful tale (no kidding), I imagine the next issue continued Simpsons-style as if nothing ever happened.

This was kind of a fun issue, and the great cover image is definitely a big plus.  I had no idea that the Korg franchise ever existed.  I’m not sure that my life has been enriched by my discovery of it, but this read certainly didn’t drag me down into the depths of despair.

I can live with that.

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