Spider-Man writhes in agony because of sold out Marvel comics. Don’t let this happen to you.

I never knew that Peter Parker was such a big Shogun Warriors fan that missing an issue would give him a case of the bends. I stand enlightened. And come on, Marvel, did Thomas Jefferson REALLY write the Declaration of Independence with a Spider-Man pen? Don’t make us call shenanigans.

Also, someone tell that “newstand” operator that most people put an extra “S” in there. Unless he’s an outlier, and is trying to be some American English trailblazer — if so, newstand on, sir!