The Cosmic Cube can eat a Twinkie without barfing. It is truly the most powerful object in the universe.

Twinkies must be the most mocked of all foodstuffs. Need to make a painfully obvious joke about the apocalypse and the things that will survive it? Twinkies are there! There was even a Twinkie knee-slapper in the most recent (and God-awful) Ghost Rider film, a dash of “humor” that fell, the same as the rest of the flick, like a lead balloon.

The unmitigated stupidity of this Hostess ad, one of the many that over the years have humiliated co-opted heroes and villains, is truly something to behold. It might even trump the Wonder Woman “pussy” experience. Here the Cosmic Cube, one of the great hyper-powered devices in the Marvel Universe, one prominent enough to be the binding agent of the cinematic Avengers series, has dumb thought balloons and falls in love with a Twinkie. Huzzah. And I don’t mean “love” in the “enjoys eating — a lot” sense. I mean it in the “dry-hump the living hell out of that cream-filled confection” sense. Look at the little bugger in the second to last panel. HE IS HAVING THE TIME OF HIS CUBE LIFE.

So Captain America carries Twinkies around with him. Good to know. Too bad he had his Bicentennial training interrupted, whatever the hell his Bicentennial duties were. And the Red Skull can go wallow in shame for all eternity after that last line of his.